BEFORE 2011 ENDS ~

Hi. Hello there!

Well its been seven months i didnt write anything on this blog. Haha been busy all the time and i was fell in love with tumblr. Sorry :p So here i am , I just wanna flashback about what was happened on 2011. I have made it so far! Sure 2011 has been a hard-sucking year. But i have survived! I have done my best , Whether its succeeded or failed. I have gone up and fallen down. I have brokenheart on the third month of this year , But finally on the fifth month of this year I've been mending all the piecies of my heart. Then I realized , who really matters-who never did-who always will. I'm smart enough to judge someone. I'm twenty years on October of this year. At least , physically and mentally I'm woman now. Not a child anymore. Haha okay thats bull :p

Hemm.. 2012 will coming in the matter of 4 days. Don't ever give up about what you want. Chase your dream as good as you can. Don't let anyone tell you "you cant" . For those who call you like that , give them your middle finger and say "watch me bitch!" . Goodluck!

WELCOME 2012!!!!

lets check my Tumblr

http://prsthrdt.tumblr.com

for-my-kushizou

I want you in my dinner plate.
I want you for breakfast and lunch and midnight snacks.
I want you in the storms- rain-snow-hurricane , I want you.
I want you in the summer-spring-autumn-winter.
I want you in the morning-afternoon-middle night.
I want you to stay-to never leave-to hold my hand-to never stop.
I want you in my arms-in my house-in my dream-in my heart ♥

HOW

i dont understand 

how i can smile all day long and cry myself to sleep at night ?

how pictures never change but the people in them do ?

how my bestfriend can become my worst enemy ?

how strange it is when my worst enemy turns into my bestfriend ?

how forever turns into a few short months that i'd do almost anything to get back ?

how i can let go of something once i said i couldn't live without ?

how even though i know something is best for me , it just hurts the same ?

how the people who once wanted to spend every second with me ,

think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare?

how people make promises 

despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken ?

how people can erase me from their lives 

just because its easier than working things out ?

how ? simple answer : PEOPLE'S CHANGE

they told me that i have to MOVE ON :)

well , haaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

its been such a long long and tired day to through all this :p

i got myself thingking every single night in my bed before i go to sleep , 

thingking about everything that has happened in my life for a few days ago..

then i realized , i cant be like this everynight , 

crying over someone that never love me , thingking about someone that left me..

i should never cry over someone that won't cry over me ,

i should never fight for someone that won't fight for me

you know , what hurts more than losing you is knowing you're not fighting to keep me..

should i blame "love" for making me think about you everyday ?

or should i blame you for making me feel this way ? 

hah.. i blame  it on my mind..

dear boy , 

you had me wishing that we were "something" , 

then you just left me here with a whole of nothing..

i try not to admit it to anyone that i still feel this way

nobody knows that i still wake up thingking of you each day.. aargh

so its all my fault that you gave up ??

i'm the only one still standing here holding on to everything that you let go of..

who do you think you are ?!

running around leaving scars ,

collecting your jar of hearts , 

and tearing love apart ?!

i'm gonna move on , it just not normal anymore..

because its been 23 days and i just cant get over it. What a fool..

it may seem like the hardest thing to do , 

but i have to forget the person who forget about me.. right ?

actually , i'm not ready for this situation , i won't ready :(

i dont think that i'm ready to see you with another girl..

aaaaaaaaaaaaa just thingking about that , i cry -__-

but who am i ? i'm not anyone for you anymore :)

i let my heart be sincere , because i know you dont really see my worth 

you leave me easily , you forget me easily , so why i'm not ??!!

with a little help from my friends , i realized! 

you never love at all. if you love me , at least you'll never leave me , but you did..

i hide all  my problems behind my smile

behind my smile is a world a pain

you think you know me ?!

but you have NO IDEA !

it sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through the old photos , old text messages , even old statuses , and it bring a smile to your face , but then the hurt comes back and you know you shouldnt be looking back , but you cant help it , because they're really meant something to you and you thought it would be lasted..

Lately i'm feeling like there's a wall between us. A wall that wont let me greet you like i used to , and you greet me like you used to. A wall that separated us apart. 

I dont wanna tell him , i dont wanna him to know. That my love for him cant seem to let go. I dont want want him to know how i long to feel his touch , to have him to hold me , i still feel that love when i look in his eyes. It still takes my breath away when i see him smile. I lie awake at night in my bed , thingking what happened , our love was so strong. I dont understand it , what the hell went wrong..

Now i sit here alone , i just cant do it , i dont have the strength.. Now it hurts to be near him , it hurts to see his face , my heart breaks everytime i hear him laugh.. Everything reminds me of him , i cant get away..

I just want all of thi hurting and pain to leave. My heart is beating faster , all my blood is rushing , its getting harder to breathe.. I wish i didnt love him.. I wish i didnt care..

I've always wanted to talk to you , eyes to eyes , heart to heart.. but the timing was never right..

And well.. tonight.. you greet me , you dont know how excited i am ? hahah silly , its like , my heart beating so fast and so happy.. i think we'll gonna figure this out tonight , i wish it just like a fight we're having..

Tomorrow it'll be like it has never happened , right ?

But i wrong.. big wrong.. feels like i was falling from the sky..

You've said goodbye and wanna end all of this..

pathetic for me..

Dear , i was waiting for you in one year , and you just throw me away like this ?!

Is that all you got ?? 

You with your words like knife , swords and weapons that you use againts me , you have knocked me off my feet again , got me feeling like i'm nothing.. Nothing for you..

All i'm trying to say all this..

I miss you

I miss going out with you

I miss talk with you

I miss sharing everything that has happened in our life

I miss being in the same debate with you

I miss the way we share stories from the secret ones until the unimportant ones

I miss the way you looked at me and smile

I miss having funny-fight with you

I miss the way you told me "GOODNIGHT" in every single night..

I just simply miss the old you dear , i miss you

take care , i love you

KKL bangka

we followed the lecture program during 5 days in bangka. 22nd febuary-26th febuary

 it was such a great experience. this is the first time i've go by myself without mom and dad :p

DAY 1

We left palembang at seven. And arrived at bangka on eleven. We've luch and visited soekarno's house and soekarno's car. That was awesome. But we were very tired because of climbed the hill , uuhh

Then we arrived at hotel jati pesona on 7:30pm.. and take some rest :)

( waiting for the ship's departure)

(@ waiting room)

(on a boat to bangka. we were so excited!)

(Ryan took this picture , aarrgh)

 (our bus)

 (lunch)

 (yeahh. arrived at bangka. leli , me , cece , dhea , arin , rere , maria)

 (@mosque)

 (visited the soekarno's house)

(@soekarno's house)

(we're gonna climb the hill to visit soekarno's car)

 (tried and tried , it was the process haha)

(ohh look at us! messed up. screwed up. haha exhausted)

 (well finally we reached the top of the hill. Fuhh)

 (so tired but have fuunnnnnnn)

 (it where soekarno was exiled)

 (cool.this is soekarno's car)

 (what a beuatiful views from the top of the hill.

our fatigue paid off with great views)

DAY 2

We visited the pagoda an then bought some souvenirs , and the last we visited pasir padi beach.. but it was raining , so we just stuck in the bus.. not for me and tantri , we could not resist getting off the bus haha we wasn't afraid of rain. Beaaachhhh!!!!

 (pagoda)

 (we didnt climb up to the pagoda. so we're just karoke on bus)

 (its me and tantri , we're getting off the bus didnt care of the rain

too excited of the beach aaaa haha raining in beach)

(fathan and harta encouraged me to fall on a beach

and i was soaking wet , well i didnt bring another clothes)

DAY 3

We visited 3 beachs , what a wonderful day for me hahaha (tikus beach , parai beach , matras beach)

 (@tikus beach)

 (cece , maria , rio , quin , imam , me , tantri)

(rio , leli , rere , nancy , harta , ryan , dida , imam , me)

(with harta)

 (layo plus bukit)

(welcome to parai)

 (with dendy)

 (wet !) 

 (played sand)

(we made it)

 (manda and me)

(tantri andme)

DAY 4

We didnt go anywhere. because this is the lasr day. We're just made some games and camp fire. The most memorable night :)

(we made the games on the beach near the hotel)

(me and leli join in the games. balloon-dance haha)

(hahaha rere and epyu in love <3 )

(soaking wet again. they push me to the beach. aarghh)

okay camp fire night ..

well then the last event closed by handshake :)

DAY 5

 (the last sunrise i saw in the morning when we're breakfast)

(look at my foot. oh my , burned!)

(go home.. huhu)